29 October, 2009
26 October, 2009
I just re-read an email I wrote to a friend in August. Hilarious!
I had written her about all the things that were annoying me about living in Germany and how I knew I would miss them after I left but that in the meantime they were driving me nuts! The email was written before my grand European city adventure, when leaving seemed far more like a dream then an imminent deadline.
Now that I am so close to leaving, I'm missing everything before I've even gone. All the little stresses are lifting. I am not worried about work deadlines. The language problems have lessened. I know I get to see my family soon enough. With these stresses ending I am truly free to fully enjoy the good stuff. And oh my God its sooo good here!
How can I leave?! And, in what crazy minute did my rational mind decide that moving halfway around the world and working for myself in recession stricken Portland would be easier than staying in Germany where I've got a year of adjusting under my belt?!
Oh that’s right... I didn't think it would be easier, I thought it would be more exciting (read challenging & fulfilling).
You know, someone once told me that you can't buy experience. I think that's true. But I think it’s also true that you don't have to wait for experience to come to you. And why would you? Its free for the taking.
Days since I've embraced my family: 299
Days till I see loads of friends and family on Saturday December 12th: 46
Days since I fell in love with Europe: 45
Days till I move back to Portland: 43
Days till I see my Mom and Dad in Europe: 13
Days left of un-selfemployment: 4
Number of hugs I will give before I leave Uberlingen: Too many to count.
21 October, 2009
01 October, 2009
I keep reminding myself that I don’t have to dislike my life here just because its ending and that I don’t have to feel guilty about it ending just because I am enjoying it.
A dear friend of mine, we'll call her Tortuga, is a spectacular writer. This week she wrote a blog entry that took my breath away. While her life is in a completely different place and time then mine is, in describing her experiences, she managed to say exactly what I was thinking.
"We don’t do things one at a time around here. We’ve found that with one-at-a-time you can only fit one lifetime into one lifetime." - Tortuga
Incredibly I am just now truly letting go of some of the things that I left behind in Portland and learning to embrace my realities here in Überlingen. And yet while even now I still haven’t completely left the Portland I was in and fully embraced Überlingen as it is, I am already looking forward to the Portland to which I will arrive. Two different worlds but three different places. My heart has been trying to live in all of them at once. Its like I am mountain climbing and each place is a boulder. I have a hand on one and a foot on the other and my elbow on the third, just for a little extra balance.... I've decided that its a lot more exciting than standing still.